Contrary to the cliche, typecast “other woman”, the unmarried affair partner is quite often a divorced, successful, charismatic, independent, capable, financially secure, educated, driven, accomplished and dynamic woman of a mature age.

She is a single woman who was looking for lasting partnership, not looking to become entangled in a secret love triangle. She finds herself in a relationship with a married man, who has shared his marital discontent with her as part of their deepening relationship. Hopes of a future together keep the unmarried affair partner in an impossible and distressing situation. She vacillates between compassion and patience, and frustration and fear that nothing will change.

She would be fine in the single world, and wants her married love to leave his self-reportedly unhappy marriage for his own reasons and by his own choice. She is stuck in the indecision, silence, and secrecy of the affair. Being in love with a man who is unavailable causes anguish and longing.

The unmarried affair partner is concerned with the fall out of the affair, does not want to hurt the wife, wants to invest in a real life relationship, is concerned with the pain that may be caused, his kids liking her later, and wants for matters to be dealt with so that her own life can be one of integrity and alignment.

She wants partnership, intellectual challenge, sexual intimacy, emotional closeness, a playmate, an equal. And she has found him. And he is married.

The shame and blame cast on the married affair partner’s role outpaces the shame and blame cast on the straying married man. These cultural viewpoints of the zeitgeist strongly shape our narrative around affairs and infidelity.

#affairs #infidelity #education #awareness #insight #selfhelp #stigma #couples #therapy #counseling