A little over a year ago, I started learning to produce my own music. I wanted to take control of my creative process.
I overall just wanted to get what I was hearing in my own head expressed out in the world the way I heard it.

For a long time, I wasn’t truly owning my artistry. I’d had years of being told no, of being let down, being made to believe I wasn’t enough, or that what I thought and felt wasn’t important. I really started to abandon myself.

All of this started to seep in and infect my creativity. So much so, that I went years without creating a single song. I had no drive and no motivation to create for the simple joy of it. Years of being on a mental hamster wheel truly burned me out and I honestly didn’t have anything left to give.

Finally, I decided I was going to have to be the one who cares the most. I was going to have to drive this life and participate in it. I could no longer give my power over to others for fear of the result. That is no way to lead a healthy life or have a thriving career or make any genuine contribution to my tiny corner of the world. I needed to allow happiness into my process.

There’s been a lot to heal. Lots of unhealthy programming to unlearn. Lots of positive and good truths to embrace about this life.

A friend of mine in their mid-seventies told me even they are still working through their stuff after all these years, but that it gets better. BTW, Friends in their seventies and eighties are the best and I highly recommend seeking them out and having them in your life. Here’s to being willing to do the work and an openness to receiving life’s gifts. 
#femalemusicproducer #singer #sessionsinger #musicproducer #selfcare